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I was checking the settings and,,,  
12:03am 28/09/2012
Technological Perfection
Does my journal contain adult concepts?   It's the half way point between no sexual content and full on sexual content, but I do say the F word a lot.   A lot.

And while I wasn't planning on being gratuitously lascivious, I wouldn't want a charming little ditty about Real Life Xbox Achievements in my sex life to get me banned.
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I've been reviewing and I have no idea what to post.  
11:53pm 27/09/2012
Technological Perfection
I don't know my audience anymore.  I have tons of random bits of word vomit that I've been accumulating over time, just for my own edification and it's easier than therapy.

However, I can't tell if my loving essays about the greatest invention ever invented by a soviet tank commander and why you should have one hidden securely somewhere in your home might scare away the hippies.  My reconfiguration from the old houseful of out of date, power sucking, CRT rocking, keyboards/mice in all open spaces shitcluster of technological antiquity to a low power setup that could be transported on the front seat of my car made half of you tune out before I finished this sentence.

I have been managing to keep busy.   Some of you are both here and FB.   It's the perfect shallow medium for my skillset and charms.   I can irritate all day shitting on Santorum, but look, a kitty!   There's far less effort and thought and concentration needed.

But the audience is too big.  The longer stuff is too good for the likes of them, I know that much.  

As it's my tourette's, I have observations/rantings on several different platforms and formats and never shall the procrastinating twain meet.   I keep trying to get them all on one place and then I find little stashes of stuff I hadn't thought about since I wrote it.   So, I might just weed out what's worth keeping and toss the rest.  

What's this switch to new version thing it speaks of at the top of my screen.   I know better than to click those at random.

I'm off to have some fun with the privacy filters and take an actual headcount.

It was either this or start making YouTube videos.  And those guys are real dorks.
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It looks like the dust has settled  
07:37pm 18/09/2012
Technological Perfection
LJ has fallen so far out of use, it's probably safe to resume posting here.   I'll come up with some good stuff and probably raid all my blogs no one ever reads and repost the safe for public consumption bits here

If anyone else is still here, reply so I know who my limited target audience will be.
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The State of the Union, more or less.  
02:21am 03/04/2011
Technological Perfection
I usually don't bare too much of my soul here, mainly to not be a hypocrite when I ridicule others for sharing too much.  However, things have been moving and shaking behind the scenes and I'd rather not have too many of you confused.

First, th0d 2.0 is no more.  The landlord says its simply a matter of selling the house and they're not renewing the lease.  I know better.  We got a little too bold with our underground gambling ring and some resentful soul that lost his mortgage money on a bad bet probably ratted us out.  Future note- never let Jehovah's Witness get involved- they're terrible gamblers, mean drunks, hate to lose and more of them carry weapons than you'd think.

We have located a new location, for now I'm referring to it as th0d 2.5.  It's not perfect, but it has its benefits.  The location is classified, but it does have a compound feel, especially with its 6 foot gate.  It's lacking a few things, namely razorwire and autoturrets, but it will work.  All inactive agents may be called to duty next weekend for the transport of the sensitive and fragile materials.  Luckily, due to my OCD, the vast majority of my life is already pre-tetrised for easy transport.  If I haven't mentioned it recently, possessions are a burden.

My shadow schedule, Wed-Sat got turned on its head and became pure anti-life.  I now work Wed-Sat, 9pm-7:30am, and that's why you've seen less of me than usual.  I am fairly sure I am a ghost, a phantasm, a clone built for the amusment of others.  I am a clone that's been tricked into think its the original version, while the actual original is on a beach somewhere laughing.   I''m just the poor dupe that goes to work to pay the bills, sleep and repeat.  I certainly don't feel 'real'.

I now sleep in small doses, but never really get what Fallout 3 calls restful sleep.  I usually sleep 4-5 hours, and then I am awake.  No choice in the matter at all.  I try to catch a second nap before work, and have a 33% chance of success.  My sleep schedule on my days off is even more fucked- I vary between random naps when I get tired at all times of the day and enforced naps to keep me awake for the work hours so I can stay acclimated.

I admit lately I have been less flexible and less tolerant of people than usual and I do apologise for how it must appear.  It's nothing personal, most of you haven't changed a bit, just my perspective has.  When you continue on the neverending cycle of stupid behavior and self destructive shenanigans, I've run out of fake smiles and canned answers.  I've probably pissed a few of you off, and all I can say is this- if I offended you and if it matters to you, you really should call me on it.  I'll be the first to admit, I'm no better at avoiding stupid situations- I just do my best to keep from inflicting it on others and try to avoid repeating my mistakes again and again, when it's a lot more fun to make new and exciting mistakes.

I've felt kind of detached and not connected to people for a while.  It's the double edged sword of being both anti-social and lonely.  A good deal of it is probably caused by I sleep when you're out in the world, and exist when most of you are home in bed asleep.  I feel bad about it, but in a detached esoteric sense, as I feel it, but not in any sort of way that would require me to think or feel it much.   For now, too much other stuff is going on that responsible adult me has to worry with.

To recap- after April 30th, don't stop by the house.  It will be a hollow shell.   If I've been a dick to you as of late, I'm somewhat sorry.
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After mission report: Hunting Nazi Zombies in their own habitat.  
01:12am 10/02/2011
Technological Perfection

After many a foray into the simulator to fight off ever increasing hordes of nazi zombies, it was time to get off the xbox and take the fight to them. Any good operation begins with a simple recon mission, preferably with another field agent, one skilled in both survival and surveillance.

As Germany would be too far for a one day trip in my car, I settled on the next best thing- Leavenworth. In any bad movie I've ever seen, towns like Leavenworth always have some sort of Hitler's F-U From the Grave that's only the pull of a dramatically located switch away. They must have some nazi zombies, even if just some antique WW2 ones shuffling around in a cattle pen. The locals will be so busy worrying we're going to activate the atomic sleeper swastika death ray robot, they'll never notice if we nip in, throw a leash on a few fresher ones and lead the goosestepping brigade back to my car.

I went through the list of field agents until there was only one choice: Special Agent H. She had the right skillset, charm, and brains to handle this kind of work and she had Monday off. You may remember her from the Roman Orgy several F13's ago, as 'that crazy bitch'. Her loss of control at that function resulted in her being the only person to have a Lifetime Persona Non Grata at th0d 2.0 and even I signed off on it, making it unanimous.

She's the first Special Agent to get that particular title. Not just that she's special to me, she definitely is, but also she's...special. As in 'she should qualify to get better parking by the doors at the mall' special. I've known her longer than most anyone reading this and is one of the few reasons I survived Burien. Her saving grace is the fact she knows she's bugnuts and prepares accordingly. She's got the body that strippers like to lie and say they have, yet is so convinced she's hideous she wear to bed an ensemble that the Taliban would consider modest.

We got in at noon and quickly established our cover at a local Bavarian themed hotel. Around 1, we started scouting the town, H interrogating the locals with her combination of wit, charm and threats of violence. That took less than an hour to complete, so we started drinking around 2, deciding the hotel bar was the closest bar and did not require us to travel the streets at night, which is when the deep cover sleeper agents would usually attack.

Several whiskeys and almost two bottles of wine later, H was engaging. She was engaging in taunting and threats to the owner of the bar whilst playing trivia. She did ok on pop culture and cars, but needed me for the math and science questions. She did well, which paid for most of her wine as everyone buys the trivia winner a drink, especially when she has cleavage. It was the off season and the bar was mostly empty at this time of day, which worked in her favor as I doubt her shenanigans would be as tolerated with a full bar. She repeatedly pointed out how short the owner of the bar was, amusing the employees greatly, but not the proprietor.

She magically somehow turned her shit talking into charm and got us invited to an afterparty with most of the bar staff and their friends. We loaded up on liquor and CD's and went to one of the locals' houses for more debauchery. We proceeded to imbibe in intoxicants, some of what was flooding through the town according to the locals, which seem to be mostly snowboarders. We shot pool and I surreptitiously tried to pry secrets from our former bartender, who Special Agent H referred to as Uncle Ted, even though his name was John. Heather was busy playing DJ-OCD, and if one song got played the entire way through, I missed it. Speaking of DJ-OCD, one of H's superpowers I had never noticed before was her ability to to lip sync perfectly with whatever music she's playing at the time, and with her tastes, that means a lot of different styles from Tom Waits to MSI. I'm sure I could make some money on TV exploiting her talent.

Her charm went downhill around 3am when I had to stop her from ridiculing a grown man who went by the name Steve-o. She found his name incredibly funny, and that's when I had to use the long agreed secret codeword: honey. As in any sentence that uses that word is deadly serious in intent. "Honey, I don't think he finds that as funny as you do. Honey, you really shouldn't be touching his cue ball." Steve-o did not look blessed with a particularly flexible sense of humor. She realized she may have worn out her welcome, I thanked to locals for their excellent hospitality, they wished me lots of luck and I half carried Special Agent H, who was just remembering her Steve-o jokes, the hell out of there and back to the hotel.


We woke up the next morning, compared bruises, and got breakfast. The next morning is always fun, as I am sure one of these days our waitress at the local diner will call the cops on us for some sort of domestic abuse. Good luck to the cop that figures out who got the better end of the deal on said abuse. We gathered some last minute samples for analysis, including a curry mustard and some preserved meat products from http://www.curedbyvisconti.com/

We got back mid afternoon, no zombies found, and no secret WWII bunkers discovered. They did try to infect me with their zombie creating virus, as I did have one hell of a sore throat this morning, but the kryptonian immune system is more than a match for some 70 year old failed bioweapon.
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Holiday cheer or the anti matter equivalent of:  
03:14pm 25/11/2010
Technological Perfection
All this holiday stuff overflowing everywhere has made me realize we need anti holidays. Days to be the complete opposite of the feel good holiday spirit.

I'll have to come up with appropriate titles and set them to bad dates in history, like Hitler's birthday or Republican Christmas. St Edmund's Day has a ring to it-

"However, St. Edmund would likely closest fit the definition of a vengeful saint. Having been executed by the Danes and Vikings during the invasion of the Kingdom of East Anglia, Edmund returned more than 100 years later as a spirit and killed the current Viking leader with a single powerful blow when he attempted to pilfer the late martyr's shrine."

Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Who_is_the_patron_saint_of_revenge#ixzz16L2NVq3l

Then we can see status updates like (none are personally mine but have been suggested by friends)-

"I am resentful because you left me and took up with a complete knob like him/her."

"I am resentful for the fact you gave me a $5 gift certificate with my name spelled wrong as a Xmas bonus after working here for 8 years."

"I am resentful for the fact that my son/daughter married/is dating you when you are a racist/sexist/bigoted throwback to cavemen that is everything I raised them to avoid like the plague."

I can't wait to start making the holiday cards! And it would serve a purpose, as I'd be far less inclined to be such a prick if I knew there was a holiday where I'd get what was coming to me.

St Edmund's Day, National Vengeance Day or my personal favorite "Punch Someone Deserving In The Face Day" Suggestions for improving said holidays are welcomed.
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Been away a while.  
05:28pm 05/11/2010
Technological Perfection
The evil evil Facebook allows me to do my usual 'look what I found on the int-re-webs' rather than boring you with the inanities of my life, which is far less exciting than advertised.

However, with nanowrimo here, my output has gone up greatly, and after my usual word vomit into the novel no one will ever read, I occasionally need to write something, anything to clear my head and give me a little perspective.

Nothing really to report- lost a few friends, gained a cat, so overall it counts as a win. Agent M, the gf is gone, and I mean gone as we're not together, not gone like in several boxes along the highway. It lasted more than a year, which put her in second place on the lifetime acheivement award.

The friends being gone isn't some sort of dramafest that you'd hope or imagine, more like I realized we just weren't as close as I deluded myself into thinking. When the zombie apocalypse happens, they are on their own and I wish them the best of luck.

The house has shrunk from six to four as we lost two over the year, one was sad, complete with the moving out person bawling his eyes out at his going away party and the other... well, I guess no one got hurt, no weapons were brandished and at the end of the say, any money I was owed is probably worth it to let it go.

OK, that was way too much navel gazing for a shallow sociopath like me- back to writing other things. I'll try not to make it as long until the next time I write anything here, but no promises.
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luckily, I had some spare change.  
10:55am 02/11/2010
Technological Perfection
I had been procrastinating about filling out my ballot since I got it. I love ballots in this state which allows me to look at who my possibilities are, then use the handy dandy internets and figure out what each choice actually meant. Usually a google search will find me the top 10 people who love our candidate (She's the only choice for Americuh!) and the top 10 who hate our candidate (He rapes dogs).

Also, it helps with figuring out the legalese in most initatives. They are written in such confusing lawyerspeak, I feel like I'm guessing yes or no with random error messages in Windows. (C:\Windows\xyll.dll is corrupt. Rebuild from existing? Y/N?) I may understand the tax, or stadium, etc, but I do not know if 'affirm the resolution of closure for this fiscal term' means I want it or I don't want it.

I made it part of my morning errands- mail some checks, drop off the bills, pay rent, vote. I got to the end of my list and ended up at a Starbuck's as it was the closest to the rent dropoff box and I knew I could get wifi for the phone.

I may hate the coffee, but I do have to give Starbuck's credit for the wifi. I wish I had such signal strength at home. I'm got the majors out of the way and was working through the initiatives when an older gentleman started talking to me.

"Glad to see you're voting. Everyone should."

FUCK! Why did I not listen to that inner voice when I left the house and was not wearing sunglasses and my mp3 player set to ignore? I had my doubts just based on his demographics- old, white and male, but there was no obvious paraphernalia on him and lots of liberals live to old age, so I could be wrong.

"Yep, that's kinda the point." and this is my mistake, I should never answer the first time. That gives them the go ahead.

"I can't wait until we throw these crooks out and put in some good Republicans. Rossi'll save us from that liberal loon lesbo." and yes, he was very proud of his alliteration. I heard a sound I realized was my jaw grinding. I did not not not not want to get into a herp-derp with this Palinstinian. Neither of us will convince each other of anything and the minute I hear verbatim snippets from talking heads on Fox News, my civility goes down greatly (See: Xmas 2009)

After thinking of 10 different answers and liking none of them, I remembered my favorite voting tactic from the booths in Pennsylvania. Initatives have never been worded well and in PA, we only had the booth, so time was limited.

I reached into my pocket, pulled out my change and fished through until I had a quarter, as they always work well. I flipped the quarter high in the air, Two Face style, caught it and slapped it down on the table. I checked my result and marked my ballot.

"Looks like Dino didn't get my vote this time around, sorry. Maybe next time?" Then I flipped the quarter again and voted. Now, before anyone gets upset at this mockery of the representative democratic process, I had already filled out that section and was actually on the section on the back for judges and such, most of which were one person running unopposed, but he didn't need to know that.

I was waiting. I was sure I'd hear something- liberal, commie, loon, anything. I was kinda hoping for "You're what wrong with America!". I could hear his lizard forebrain starting to fire up like an 81 Oldsmobile Omega on a cold morning. My only defense was I could claim to be truly non partisan and allowing the random winds of chance to guide me.

He caught me completely offguard when he laughed. "Well. I always wondered how the Democrats got elected in the first place." He went back to his table where he and the derpistani brain trust (median age: 68) were already planning the victory parade.

I flipped the quarter until I was done. Sorry to any competent judge who got voted out as I cast my ballot for Beavis.
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Writer's Block: Crazy in Love  
12:26pm 04/01/2010
Technological Perfection
What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for love?

I'll have to wait for the statue of limitations to run out before I can answer that one.
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10 years ago-  
11:07am 31/12/2009
Technological Perfection
Dec 31, 1999- I was holed up in a remote cabin w/ the gf, waiting for civilization to fall (i.e. Y2K!!!).

Dec 31, 2009- No remote cabin, no gf, still waiting for civilization to fall. Not even a Y2K to blame it on this time around.
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